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  1. #16
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    Sep 2013
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    From my observations, depending on the man a lot of arguments are because of being treated unfairly. I don't see how some women can harbor anger and not react by showing it. They should update the study

    @ CNN published the findings of another study by Ernest Harburg, Ph.D., of the University of Michigan. The study followed 192 married couples from 1971 to 1988 and found that those who harbored their anger during a fight or when unjustly attacked did not live as long or as healthy as the couples who fought and resolved their issues fairly.

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  3. #17
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    Sep 2013
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    8 Tips for Connecting Physically With Your Partner, Even When You're Angry

    Tanya Finks
    Love, Sex
    October 12, 2017

    Learning how to connect when youíre hurt or angry can lead to greater openness in your relationship.
    Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. When disagreements or misunderstandings cause you to become hurt or angry, the intimacy you share with your partner may suffer.

    Physical intimacy often takes a hit when you fight with your significant other, especially if you tend to think about sex (or the withholding of sex) as a bargaining tool to resolve issues in your relationship.
    Learning how to connect when youíre troubled, hurt, or angry can help defuse negative feelings and lead to greater openness in your relationship. In fact, resolving differences productively without creating distance or impacting your physical relationship can increase feelings of closeness and intimacy and make you that much stronger together.

    That all sounds well and good, right?*But how do you actually connect physically when youíre feeling hurt or angry?*The following strategies can be helpful in resolving relationship conflicts in a productive manner without compromising intimacy.

    To know how to make up after a fight, you need communication in order to create a safe space for intimacy and disagreement by doing these 8 things:

    1. Establish a mutual commitment to resolving issues.
    Letís face it, conflict can be challenging.*Most of us didnít go to relationship school.*We learned our strategies for navigating conflict from watching our parents disagree.*

    In the healthiest of homes, your role models may have been screamers and shouters, avoiders, manipulators, or dominators.*Or they may have concealed disagreements from you altogether.
    In a committed relationship, your inherited conflict-resolution strategies meet your partnerís inherited conflict-resolution strategies.*You may spend years figuring out how to develop productive conflict-resolution strategies together.*

    RELATED:*This Is The Single Key to Effective, ZERO-Arguing Communication

    Along the way, either or both of you may suffer a lack of trust and confidence that issues will be resolved fairly and equitably.

    Establishing a mutual commitment to stick with issues until both of you are satisfied with the outcome creates a safe space to engage in disagreement cooperatively instead of as adversaries.*Iím reminded of the lyrics to Princeís*"If I Was Your Girlfriend".

    "If I was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me? Yeah, sometimes I trip on how happy we could be."

    2. Create a context for physical intimacy.

    Sex can serve many purposes in a relationship ó from satisfying physical needs*to cultivating intimacy*and everything in-between.*It can also be a barometer for the current temperature of the relationship.*

    Are we connecting enough? *If not, is there something going on? *If weíre connecting plenty, does that mean everything is okay?
    While sex may signal something about the health of the relationship, where we get into trouble is when we make assumptions about what itís signaling, and then donít talk about it.*Checking in on the relationship is important, whether the sex is poppiní or not.*
    Further, establishing agreement about what sex means in the context of disagreement can be extremely powerful.*Combined with a commitment to resolve issues, mutual agreement that sex does not equal conflict-resolution can create a safe space for physical intimacy in the face of disagreement.

    3. Fight fair and listen to one another.

    Genuine listening is often the casualty of impassioned emotions, especially when tensions are high.*We can become so fixated on advancing our position and advocating for our own needs and perspectives that we forget to really hear our partner.*
    If pressed, we likely could not articulate our partnerís reasons or motivations for asserting their position.*Genuine listening can speed the resolution of conflict, but also create greater understanding, and ó yep, you guessed it*ó intimacy.

    4. Understand each otherís style.

    Do you process information verbally?*Or are you a quiet thinker?*Do you like to approach problems head on?*Or do you prefer to conserve emotional energy?*
    Each of us navigates the world differently.*When tensions are high, we can interpret our partnerís natural tendencies as malicious or contrary.*Understanding your style differences can create the capacity for compassion, patience, and cooperation.
    Smart couples will set ground rules for arguments to keep confrontations in line. The goal of resolving differences is not to determine whoís right or wrong, but to come up with solutions that work for you both. Ground rules will make it easier for you to connect so you can reach that goal.

    RELATED:*4 Rules (That ACTUALLY Work) For Couples Who Canít Stop FIGHTING

    5. Donít jump to conclusions.

    Jumping to conclusions and making wrong assumptions will only escalate an argument. Rather than assume the worst, give your sweetie the benefit of the doubt.
    If you want to enjoy a happy and healthy union, start with the assumption that your partner loves you and wants whatís best for your relationship. You may not agree on how to achieve that "best" at the time, but positive assumptions will help you find solutions rather than place the blame.

    6. Establish solid problem-solving strategies and compromise effectively.

    The (power) struggle is real.*Though you and your partner love each other, youíre different people with different backgrounds and different approaches to the world.*
    No matter how much you have in common, sometimes needs and desires donít align.*However, effective compromise is possible*and it doesnít require sacrificing your needs.* Distinguishing each otherísí must-haves from your nice-to-haves can pave the way for creating win-win agreements.

    7. Share appreciations.

    Have you heard that itís impossible to stay angry and genuinely smile at the same time?*Well, gratitude has a similar effect.*Reminding yourself of what you appreciate about your partner, sharing small appreciations with one another in the midst of conflict can create the space for cooperation.*

    Darren Hardy, in The Compound Effect,*shared the impact a year of tracking gratitude*had on the quality of his marriage:

    "My appreciation, gratitude, and intention to find the best in her was something I held in my heart and eyes each day.*This caused me to show up differently in my marriage, which, of course, made her respond differently to me.*Soon, I had even more things to write in my ThanksGiving journal!"

    It may be more challenging to remind yourself of or express small appreciations for your partner when youíre not seeing eye-to-eye, but is there a time when itís more worth the effort than in those moments?

    8. Hit the pause button.

    When youíre building a life together, not all conflict is able to be resolved in one conversation, or one day, or one week, even.*Real life has a tendency to throw its fair share of curve balls, some of them quite significant.*
    Sometimes, itís necessary to take a step back, re-examine, re-evaluate, and re-assess before re-engaging.*With a mutual commitment to resolving issues, it can be both fair and beneficial to hit the pause button.*

    Agree upon a period of time to table the conversation. *Reflect on your feelings, consider what youíre hearing from your partner, ponder new solutions before continuing the discussion.
    Having solid problem-solving strategies will help you both build trust and confidence in your ability to resolve conflict in ways that are satisfying for both of you.

    If youíve been together for a while, youíve undoubtedly weathered quite a few storms as a couple. That alone shows that youíre in it for the long haul. When faced with tense moments, itís good to remind yourself that youíre part of a team committed to staying together in good times and in bad.

    A satisfying relationship is worth fighting for regardless of how angry you may feel at the moment. Conflicts come and go, but your life will go on. If you keep conflicts in perspective, youíll realize just how important it is to stay connected and cultivate intimacy rather than distance. Do all you can to protect your future.

    Sometimes agreeing to disagree and dropping an issue will defuse a disagreement. Other times, you may need to compromise in order to find common ground. Look for areas you can agree on and work together to resolve personal differences in your life. Consider all sides of the equation and focus on what really counts.

    By keeping mind, body and spirit connected, and the lines of communication open between you at all times, youíll have a happier, more fulfilling relationship that can weather any storm and stand the test of time.
    Tanya Finks is the dating and relationship coach and sex educator at Intimate Explorations. To enrich, enliven, invigorate or re-engage physical intimacy in your relationship, get free immediate download access to Gettin' Physical today.*You can also learn more about the full line up of exciting sex and intimacy courses.

    This article was originally published at Intimate Explorations. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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  4. #18
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    Nov 2014
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proverb31 View Post

    That is the vibe I was getting also.

    We fight over something almost every day but it does not get that deep where we are throwing dishes, yelling and calling each others out of their name.
    Sometimes we forget what the fight was about by the end of the night.
    And that's how it should be. "Do not let the sun set on your anger" (Ephesians 4:6).

    I'm just at the stage of life where I feel like you don't need to be Bloodin' & Crippin' with someone you love just to get hot sex after a fight. Itz ridiculous.

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  6. #19
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    Jan 2014
    By the Great Lakes
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    *Fighting means better sex[/I]

    I was always different on this one. Never was much of a makeup sex person. Yes, I know I'm in the vast minority on this.
    I don't get angry easily. I takes something to get me there. But once I'm there, I'm mad all over. So, it takes me a while dial back down.
    So, the likelyhood of me wanting to sex her immediately is...naw.
    When I was married, ex wifey was big on the philosophy that we can fight like cats and dogs all day long. But when bedtime came, and she wanted to fuck, nothing else mattered. lol I, on the other hand, was opposite. Like I said, it takes me a while to cool off after a real knock-down, drag out verbal altercation. I stay heated for quite a while. And quite frankly, I may not even want to be around your ass in the moment.
    One night, after one of them fights, we get in bed, and she makes her move. I wasn't having it. This led to one of, if not THEE most memorable utterances of our marriage.
    Frustrated that wasn't up for fuckin, she said "I Thought I Was Supposed To Be The WOMAN In This Marriage". I was too pissed to find it funny at the time. But since then, every time I recall it, I chuckle.

    WE ARE RIGHT ---> HERE <--- on this! My mindset and experience, damn near to a "T"! [/B]
    I'm a real nice man, so if you ever see me being mean to someone, understand: They earned it!

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  8. #20
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Anywhere But Here...
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    I'm not big on fighting.
    But I am a big believer in discussing differences and things that need to be worked out or made aware of.
    I feel it it's not discussed then resentment builds if either party has issues that need to be addressed. How can one know and that goes for the men and women
    if they are doing something that causes some sort of displeasure. Within a reasonable sense.
    Not for walking around with blinders on but I will pick my battles and make my best attempt to pick them wisely.

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